Tag Archive for workplace

10 Coworkers You Want to Kick in the Keister

May 22, 2013 Uncategorized One comment

keisterkickThere is no such thing as a perfect workplace. No. Such. Thing. Every organization’s got its own quirks and oddities. Just for kicks, here are some of the folks you’ll see around just about any organization. Please resist the urge to shout out your colleagues’ names as you read.

1. The Smooth Operators

These folks, they know exactly what to say and how to say it. They’re often fantastic with customers and act just the way they’re supposed to around certain people. But around others, they’re cynical, arrogant jackasses. But smooth cynical, arrogant jackasses.

2. The Beggars

Like they’re begging you to fire them. They do just enough not to get canned, but are so subversive and are such an awful influence on others. Often though, beggars put on a friendly air, but with just enough sarcasm that you know they’re being sarcastic.

jersey-shore-season-313. The No-Talent Ass Clowns

Somehow these jokers have survived in your organization for years on nothing but their ability to make folks chuckle from time to time. They put out just enough barely-mediocre work to keep their boss at bay, but they’re such a burden to any team they’re on because they’re not really interested in performing at a high level, improving their own performance, and so on.

4. The Ultracrepidarians

You know the type. They’re the ones who love to give advice and criticism about anything and everything, which isn’t necessarily bad in and of itself; but these guys do it from a position of acting like they know everything about everything. (And yes, Ultracrepidarian is a real word. Hat tip to those kids who made fun of me when I was but a wee lad. It sent me to the dictionary and thesaurus so I’d never be unarmed in a battle of wits ever again.)

5. The Curmudgeons

These cranky crabs are always having bad days and believe the only way to make theirs better is to make yours worse. So they do.

6. The Slangwhangers

My seven British readers will enjoy this one. These are those loud, obnoxious people who you just want to kick in the shin so at least they will have adequate reason for sounding as loud and annoying as a donkey in heat. (Don’t ask.)

7. The Popinjays

The pretentious ones. They’re so vain they probably think this post is about them.

8. The Malfeasants

They’re always breaking rules and doing things they’re not supposed to be doing. No matter how tight or loose your guidelines are, these guys are always pushing it anyway. Got a five-minute grace period before you officially count someone as late for work? Yeah, they’re coming in at six after.

9. The Wikipediots

Everything. They know everything. Well, they know everything about three and a half minutes into a conversation they’re sitting in on. In those three minutes they’ve looked up the topic on Wikipedia and memorized what they perceive to be the main points, as well as some more obscure facts to give the impression that they understand the finer nuances of whatever you’re discussing. Just for kicks sometime, start talking about a word that isn’t a word and ask them what they think about it. Watch them squirm, check their phone, then squirm some more.

complaining10. The Fuss-Buckets

They find something to complain about with everything, and I mean everything. It may sound something like this:

Relaxed dress code? Great. But I still can’t wear my tankini? How lame.

Or this:

I think you can have fun at work too, but there’s a time for work and a time for fun.

Or this:

With all that laughing it’s a wonder they get anything done…

So look, if you’re one of these, don’t be too hard on yourself; you’re certainly not alone. We’re all human and we’ve all got our “stuff.” As teammates and leaders, it’s on us to help everyone from the Smooth Operators to the Fuss-Buckets grow and mature and develop, remembering that we’re far from perfect ourselves.

 

It Ain’t All Rainbows and Unicorns

April 19, 2013 Uncategorized 12 comments

bekindYou have to at least consider the possibility that you have no idea what’s going on.

We’d like to think that we do. We all like to feel like we know people, like we get people, and that we’re one of the chosen few who can do what is famously called reading people.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not discounting that there are people who are especially gifted in those areas. There most certainly are. No question.

But…

At the same time, you’ve got to admit that the vast majority of the time you don’t have a clue what’s going on inside a person’s head, heart, or life.

In some ways, that’s part of what makes the human experience amazing — as you get to know someone, you slowly discover some of those things, and they compel you to either appreciate that person more or less. Other times you “click” with someone and that whole process is accelerated. Other times still — and these instances are very, very, very rare — you connect with someone almost instantly in a way you can’t even understand.

That said, I think we too often operate under the assumption that everything’s peachy with people when we really have no idea. So when people don’t act like we want them to or think they should, we may attribute it to incorrect causes.

As we meander around our workplaces, we see people scattered throughout the building, and barely take a second to think about what’s really going on with that person. You wave and smile and say hi, and they return the pleasantry with a salutation and facial expression of their own, and you both move on; but neither of you have any idea what’s beneath that wave, smile, and greeting.

For some people, it’s really nothing much. (I just realized that may have sounded like an insult and I didn’t mean it that way.) I just meant that with some folks some times, what you see is what you get. Other times — probably most of the time — there’s more to people’s stories than what we think based on the two and a half seconds we just spent with them.

You see, it’s not always rainbows and unicorns. Mayberry wasn’t real. I suspect June Cleaver may have secretly been Jack the Ripper. Remember Mr. Rogers? Well, he may or may not have been a bad-ass assassin in his non-cardigan-sweater-wearing down time.

That person in the next cubicle over that you’re annoyed at because you feel like she’s being aloof? Have you considered that it may not be that? Maybe she’s not as outgoing as you think she should be (which coincidentally is usually exactly as outgoing as you), but maybe she doesn’t have to be as outgoing as you. Honest to God, I’ve seen plenty of quieter folks whose attitudes are way more positive than more outgoing folks who are real jackasses.

Or maybe that guy you just passed in the hallway is having a rough day and trying to collect himself so he doesn’t spread his negative vibe to others.

imfineIt’s also possible that the one you see with a look in his eye that you can’t quite put your finger on is one of 18 million people in the United States suffering from real-deal depression. I’m not talking about lyrics-from-a-country-song depression, or even being a life-long Cubs fan depression. I mean the actual mental disorder complete with chemical imbalances that result in significant physical, mental, and emotional challenges. There’s not a “snap out of it” option with that. There’s not a “just make a decision to be happy” avenue.

What I’m saying isn’t anything you’ve not heard me say before. Organizations are clumps of humans; and because they’re clumps of humans, they’re complicated, messy, and awesome at the same time.

But remember this: You may know what’s going on with someone, and you may not. But you can be assured that there’s more going on than you know with everyone you’re coming across. They’re struggling with things you couldn’t imagine. They’re hurting. They’re dealing with real-world, difficult stuff.

So maybe we need to take more time making sure folks are really, actually ”fine” when they respond with that word to the “How are you?” you toss in their general direction in passing.

You have an opportunity to have a positive impact — even if it’s a small one — on them.  Take the time to actually care about the humans you’re living life with eight to ten hours a day at the office.

You have no idea how badly some of them need you to.

Leaders, Hymnals, and Perfect Posture

April 11, 2013 Uncategorized One comment

acidNo matter how many times they explained it, it still just looked silly to me. Exasperated, they would finally give up, roll their eyes, and their faces would tell me that they were disgusted with what they perceived to be my inability to grasp the necessity, importance, and even dignity of what they were doing.

Me? I just thought it looked goofy.

Back and forth they’d walk, bodies rigid, heads barely turning or tilting, regardless of what was happening around them. It was a combination of two different walks: the graduation walk and the bride-walking-down-the-aisle walk. Slow. Deliberate. Hint of a rising-up in each step. Eyes moving back and forth, taking in the scene; but heads not daring to move.

As far as I could tell, the whole ordeal had its genesis in what was directly above those individuals. The first time I remember seeing this scenario go down, it was a hymnal that was perched directly above the individuals. (For those of you who didn’t grow up in the Sunday School ‘hood, that’s a hardback book, usually about an inch or two thick, within which one could find the lyrics and music for any number of sacred and/or religious hymns. It was the instrument of choice for many a music minister/leader/pastor/person at the end of the service.

Turn in your hymnals to hymn number 287, they’d say. Hymn 2-8-7. I Come to The Garden Alone. Hymn 2-8-7. As we sing together, really think about the words and let them move you. Is there sin in your life? Come down to the front in front of everyone and confess it to your pastor.

But not now — that wasn’t the hymnal’s present purpose. These people were walking back and forth down a hallway with hymnals on their heads.

Learning hymns by way of osmosis? I asked, lightheartedly.

Looks of scorn directed at me.

Um, you ran out of space in your backpacks and needed some way to carry the hymnals? I queried, my curiosity and smartassity now getting the best of me.

No, came the annoyed answer. It’s to help us continue to have perfect posture.

I continued looking at them for a moment. Blink. Blink again.

Why do you need to have perfect posture so badly that you’ll walk around with hymnals on your heads? I asked. It seemed a fair question to me.

So we don’t look silly like all those other kids our age who sit slouched in front of their TVs and have bad posture. When they stand up and walk around, they wouldn’t be able to keep this hymnal from falling off their heads. They said this with an air of conviction, satisfaction, and more than a hint of arrogance. It was the sort of tone you hear from a lawyer who feels he or she has just made a wonderful point.

So let me get this straight, I said. You’re telling me that the reason you’re walking down the hallways of our school with hymnals on your heads is so you won’t look weird when you walk down the hallways of our school?

They nodded.

I paused, waiting for it to click with them.

Tic-toc. Tic-toc.

Nothing.

I sighed, probably not hiding my smirk very well, shook my head, and walked my poorly-postured self down the hallway, ashamed that I was likely unable to navigate that hallway with a hymnal on my head. (sarcasm included free of charge)

That word — posture — has a certain connotation for me because of that context, as silly as that is. Words get part of their meaning from their objective definition and part of their meaning from how they’re employed in context. So for me, since then, whenever someone said to Watch your posture or something like that, I would cringe and chuckle at the same time, and half expect them to hand me a hymnal.

In some ways though, posture is a big deal. I’m not talking body language here. As an aside, body language is like words in some ways. We know some things about what certain things tend to mean, but a huge chunk of their meaning is derived from the person exhibiting the body language. One person leaning back in their chair can mean something entirely different from someone else leaning back in their chair. But that’s another post for another day.

People have a certain posture in a sense, and I’m not referring to the physical sense. This has nothing to do with hymnals. People — leaders — are uniquely and individually inclined toward different postures and stances.

That being said, there are some general postures that seem more likely to produce leadership success. Leaders lean, push, pull, strain, stretch, nudge, brace themselves against the storm, and so on. There’s not a lot of the “wait and see” posture. That posture seems to be more akin to crossing our fingers and hoping life, karma, and the business world success fairy collectively decide to sprinkle prosperity pixie dust all over us, resulting in everything being rainbows and unicorns. We wait to see what’s going to happen to us instead of making stuff happen.

That’s not to say a leader always needs to be pushing forward forward forward. Progress isn’t always straight ahead. You know, that whole bull in a china shop thing.

Instead, look around. Look for opportunities to lean in, lean forward, move, create, initiate, innovate, and serve by leading.

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